GLASS EYES

I stare blankly at the world before me screaming silently, madly,
Incapable of comprehending the bullshit of existence.
Blood pounding through my veins
Vibrant life force
Moving, trembling, inhaling, exhaling, living, dying, being.
I feel that my body is a shell, a husk,
A fucking prison. Glass eyes show the truth of the stagnant hurricane within me.
At my core, a box, filled with emotions,
Locked away, they pound the walls and beg to be let free.
Expression and freedom, they don’t exist. None of this is real. 
I look out on the streets, on the faces of my darlings, and they cry for my help.
They plead for understanding, for sympathy, for empathy, for anything.
I smile, I joke, I nod my head, I give them what they want, but on the inside there’s nothing
Except contempt. 
For they will grow and learn and be and love and wish and want and need and 
Die. They will all die, and all of what came from them and for them will be of no consequence.
Life and death are tangled in a knot that cannot be undone or cut and I want to 
Separate them and there is no sleep for me, no sleep for the girl who wants to live.
Screw existence, I choose life and experience and joy and pain but I cannot have them 
Because everything is locked away and the walls are dripping blood and tears and sweat.
Revel in it, the beauty and the grief, before we disintegrate into a pile of dusty memories that No God gives a shit about.
Our time is constant, all time, the past, the present, the future.
We felt the pain always,
We slit our wrists in the now, 
We will shoot ourselves when it crashes over us, 
The riptide of 
Panic and 
Despair and 
Madness and 
Then the world will have lost us too.