I AM

 I am protons and neutrons and electrons. I am a human life. I am made of Earth and sky and water and stars and I am defiled by human putridity. No longer young, I grow taller and wiser or is it darker? I can’t tell anymore because they tell me I’m acquiring knowledge but all I feel is loss, the loss of happiness and blissful ignorance and they say that that’s a good thing but I say that bliss made me feel fucking blissful and what is ignorance if not innocence and now all I want to do is to bleed my soul into oblivion. There was a time when I believed in a world where my problems could be resolved by crossing swords, but now I just want to believe in a world where a woman is allowed to lift a sword without the weight of jeers and disbelief and “God” pressing down on her. I used to believe that I lived in a world that believed in me. Once I thought that addicts were bad and Americans were good and now my friends are addicted to everything under the sun and I am not proud to be an American. God bless America? God fuck America. God fuck 78 cents to the dollar. God fuck 1 in 3 women. In my head, I scream and scream and scream, but I can’t scream because I am a universe trapped inside a perfume bottle and there isn’t room for me to open my mouth anymore. I am protons and neutrons and electrons. I am a human life. I am made of Earth and sky and water and stars. I am a woman.